Emoblopedia: Parenting After Infertility or Loss

Congratulations and welcome to the parenting after infertility or loss page of the emoblopedia. If you are reading these entries, you've probably finally achieved parenthood. And, if you're anything like the other stirrup queens and sperm palace jesters in the universe, you are probably terrified and excited at the same time. You may have a touch of ambivalence about being a parent--especially during those early days. You may have been so focused on the adoption or the pregnancy that you never truly resolved your feelings about using your specific path to parenthood. We hope that you find reading these blog entries helpful and they bring you a modicum of emotional comfort. They may help you find words to express how you are feeling or show you the light at the end of the tunnel. If you have your own blog and would like to contribute to the emoblopedia, submit all links to entries to Melissa at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

Ambivalence about milestones

• No entries yet

Postpartum depression

• No entries yet

NICU experiences

• No entries yet

Joy over holding your child for the first time

• No entries yet

Feeling like a mother or a father for the first time

• When I Look Into My Daughter's Eyes (from And Baby B Makes Three)
  

Emoblopedia: Pregnancy After Infertility or Loss

Congratulations and welcome to the pregnancy after infertility or loss page of the emoblopedia. If you are reading these entries, you've probably finally achieved a long-awaited pregnancy. And, if you're anything like the other stirrup queens and sperm palace jesters in the universe, you are probably terrified and excited at the same time. You may have a touch of ambivalence about impeding parenthood. We hope that you find reading these blog entries helpful and they bring you a modicum of emotional comfort. They may help you find words to express how you are feeling or show you the light at the end of the tunnel. If you have your own blog and would like to contribute to the emoblopedia, submit all links to entries to Melissa at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

Seeing a heartbeat

• Wait, Don't Touch That Dial (from Well, Now That We're Here...)
• Uncharted Territory (from A Cop, A Nurse, 3 Dogs, and Maybe Baby)

Being released from the RE

• Comedic Relief (from A Cop, A Nurse, 3 Dogs, and Maybe Baby)

Fears during pregnancy

• Aspen's Story (from The Williams Triplets)
• Joy and Fear (from Princess Smartypants)
• Fear, Shmear (from Princess Smartypants)

Doubts about being pregnant

• No entries yet

Discovering that you're carrying multiples

• No entries yet

Communicating with the OB after being accustomed to the RE

• Nuchal Schmucal (from A Cop, A Nurse, 3 Dogs, and Maybe Baby)

Moving to a high-risk specialist

• No entries yet

Ambivalence about impeding parenthood

• No entries yet

A child resolves childlessness, but it doesn't resolve infertility

• The One With the Mixed Emotions (from Once More, With Feeling)
  

Emoblopedia: Living Child-Free

Welcome to the choosing to live child-free page of the emoblopedia. While some people make the choice to live child-free prior to knowing their fertility status, the entries below are from men and women who chose living child-free as their path to resolving their infertility. In the interest of space and the fact that the emoblopedia is housed on an infertility and pregnancy loss blog, we only have entries representing this aspect of the child-free movement. We hope that you find reading these blog entries helpful and they bring you a modicum of emotional comfort. They may help you find words to express how you are feeling or show you the light at the end of the tunnel. If you have your own blog and would like to contribute to the emoblopedia, submit all links to entries to Melissa at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

Deciding to proceed with living child-free

• No entries yet
  

Navigating life cycle events after deciding to live child-free

• No entries yet

Emotions over stopping treatments or adoption

• The Good Stuff (from Miss E's Musings)
• Some More Musings (from Miss E's Musings)
• First Comes Love... (from Miss E's Musings)

Snappy answers to intrusive questions

• No entries yet

The moment you stopped feeling childless and started feeling child-free

• No entries yet

Stopping treatments doesn't stop infertility

• What Does It Feel Like to Be Someone's Worst Nightmare? (from Coming2Terms)

Child-free in poetry and literature

• A Poem (from Miss E's Musings)
  
• Little Infertile House (from Miss E's Musings)

Emoblopedia: Fertility Treatments

Welcome to the fertility treatments page of the emoblopedia, a catch-all category for all medications and forms of assisted conception--from Clomid to IVF with ICSI. Some of the entries below are written by men and women who have just started fertility treatments. Other entries are written by those who are into their seventh IVF cycle. We hope that you find reading these blog entries helpful and they bring you a modicum of emotional comfort. They may help you find words to express how you are feeling or show you the light at the end of the tunnel. If you have your own blog and would like to contribute to the emoblopedia, submit all links to entries to Melissa at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

The first time you took Clomid

• No entries yet
  

The dreaded HSG

• New Kid With the Block (from Southern Comfortable)
• The HSG (from Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies)
• Is This a Sign? (from A Cop, A Nurse, 3 Dogs, and Maybe Baby)
  

Laparoscopy

• One-Tube Wonder (from Southern Comfortable)
• Hello Diagnosis... (from Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies)

Fears about starting fertility treatments

• The Road to Uncertainty (from Southern Infertility)
  

Excitement about starting fertility treatments

• Optimism (from The Waiting Womb)
  

A mix of emotions about starting fertility treatments

• Expectations, Hopes, Fears (from Southern Infertility)
• Expensive Ambivalence (from For the Flavor)
• Fashionably Late (from For the Flavor)

Deciding to proceed with IUI

• Feeling Better (from Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies)
  

Deciding to proceed with IVF

• I Should Add IVF to My Spellcheck (from Entrusted)

Choosing a new RE

• No entries yet

Injection classes

• Insert Straight Into Skin Until Needle Disappears (from TTC with DH through IVF with AMA and a MF for a BFP)
  

The first injection

• What Is Fear? (from Looking for 2 Lines)
  

Emotions after a first failed cycle after starting treatments

• The Classroom of Infertility, School of Life (from Infertile Fantasies)
• I Think It's Over (from Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies)

Emotions after a first failed IVF cycle

• No entries yet

GBLT experiences with clinics

• No entries yet

Good interactions with the RE or clinic

• No entries yet

Terrible interactions with the RE or clinic

• The Bad Patient (from Princess Smartypants)
• Presto! You're (not) Pregnant! (from Princess Smartypants)
• Why My Clinic Irritates Me (from Southern Infertility)
  

Coming to terms with treatment not working

• No entries yet

When enough is enough

• A Decision (from Miss E's Musings)
  

Deciding to move on from treatment

• Trying to Let Go (from Stranded on Infertility Island)

Hope management during a cycle

• More on Hope Management (from Serenity Now!)

Going into another cycle after a failed cycle

• FET Musings (from Serenity Now!)
• Being Positive is Tough (from Serenity Now!)
• Groundhog Day (from Somewhat Lower)
• Another Failed Cycle (from Sean and Mary's Family)

OHSS

• The IF Chronicles: OHSS #1 (from Southern Infertility)

Becoming a treatment veteran

• Why (from When's It Gonna Be My Turn?)

Waiting to start treatments

• Halfway There (from Our Own Creation)

Glucophage/Metformin

• Not For the Faint of Heart or Delicate of Stomach (from Our Own Creation)

Treatment stories

• It Could Have Been a Movie Scene [IUI] (from Entrusted)
• My "Ras" Hurts [IUI] (from Reproductive Jeans)
• You Asked, So I Will Answer [Multiple Treatments] (from Are We There Yet?)
  

Progesterone

• My G-d, I Hate Progesterone (from Princess Smartypants)

Emoblopedia: General Infertility

Welcome to the general infertility page of the emoblopedia, a catch-all category for the emotional journey of infertility. Some of the entries below are written by men and women who are already doing fertility treatments. Other entries are written by those who are newly diagnosed with infertility. We hope that you find reading these blog entries helpful and they bring you a modicum of emotional comfort. They may help you find words to express how you are feeling or show you the light at the end of the tunnel. If you have your own blog and would like to contribute to the emoblopedia, submit all links to entries to Melissa at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

Receiving a diagnosis

• No entries yet

Family relations

• Stealthy Blogging (from Looking for 2 Lines)
• More Political Correctness? No Thanks... (from Coming2Terms)
• Mothers and Daughters (from The Waiting Womb)
• Fathers, Daughters, and TMI (from The Waiting Womb)
• Open Season (from Miss E's Musings)
• Ode to My Dad (from Princess Smartypants)
• Donor (from TTC with DH through IVF with AMA and a MF for a BFP)
• 3 March 2007 (from TTC with DH through IVF with AMA and a MF for a BFP)

Coming out about infertility

• On the Issues of Coming Out with My Parents (from Serenity Now!)
• Coming Out (from The Waiting Womb)
• Grandma Wisdom (from Infertile Fantasies)

Being outed as infertile by another person

• He Knew Me When... (from Infertile Fantasies)
• Missed Milestone (from ...As Good As It Gets?)
  

Taking a break

• You Think You Know Me (from My Many Blessings)
• The Big Break (from Serenity Now!)
• Time Off is Good (from Southern Infertility)
• Faking a Break (from Me the Bumblebee)
• The Big Break (from Are We There Yet?)
• Thoughts From a Tornado (from Are We There Yet?)

Marriage difficulties while trying to conceive

• No entries yet

Marriage strengthening while conquering infertility

• Infertility as a Marriage Strengthener (from Serenity Now!)
• Being Thankful (from Serenity Now!)
• In My Dreams (from Princess Smartypants)
• Marriage Is... (from A Cop, A Nurse, 3 Dogs, and Maybe Baby)

Depression and infertility

• Passing Through Darkness (from Serenity Now!)
• Confessions of a Lurker (from Somewhat Lower)
• On Other People's Lives (from Looking for 2 Lines)
• What Kind of Person Am I? (from Southern Infertility)
• Sharing Secrets (from Southern Infertility)
• How I'm Feeling (from When's It Gonna Be My Turn?)
• Hauling Myself Out of This Hole (from Our Own Creation)
• Tuesdays 9 P.M. (from TTC with DH through IVF with AMA and a MF for a BFP)

Friendships and infertility

• A Confession About Newborns (from Coming2Terms)
• The Last Woman Standing (from Somewhat Lower)
• The Elephant in the Room (from Somewhat Lower)
• Conversation Etiquette for Fertile Myrtles (from Coming2Terms)
• Barrenness and Its Discontents (from Entrusted)
• Caution, Long Post Ahead (from Hell and High Water)
• More High Anxiety (from Stranded on Infertility Island)
• Varying Degrees (from A Cop, A Nurse, 3 Dogs, and Maybe Baby)

Need a good laugh?

• The Question, Revisited (from Somewhat Lower)
• Shuffling Through the Wait (from For the Flavor)
• Somewhere, An Interior Decorator Is Laughing Really Hard (from Our Own Creation)
• Mutiny (from Entrusted)
• Reduce, Reuse, Recycle (from Princess Smartypants)
• I'm Too Sexy For This Infertility (from Princess Smartypants)
• Evolution of an Infertile (from Princess Smartypants)

Need a good cry?

• It's My Cave (from Journeywoman)
  

Emotions after a BFN (big fat negative)

• Trying...and Not Succeeding (from Serenity Now!)
• It is Definitely NOT Warm Out (from Looking for 2 Lines)
• Gloomy Tuesday (from Southern Infertility)
• Yesterday (from Flutter of Hope)
• Hate, Loathe, etc. (from Flutter of Hope)
• All Too Familiar Sight (from The Waiting Womb)
• IVF&M (from Infertile Fantasies)
• I Wonder What It's Like (from Kir's Corner)
  

Acceptance and peace during infertility

• I'm Feeling Good. And Ready. Really (from Serenity Now!)

Hope and infertility

• On Changes (from Serenity Now!)
• Taking Stock (from Serenity Now!)
• The Other Side Effects (from Somewhat Lower)
• Transfer (from Somewhat Lower)
• Cautious Optimism (from Flutter of Hope)
• Cautious Optimism--Part Two (from Flutter of Hope)
• Listen Now, to the Gentle Whispers of Hope (from Me the Bumblebee)
• Feeling Optimistic (from Third Time Lucky?)
• Huge Hope (from My Journey Towards My Little Miracle)
• Kazakhstan (from Infertile Fantasies)
• Better Than Good (from Infertile Fantasies)
• Hope (from Seed Dispersal Mechanisms)
  

Infertility: a dirty little secret

• My Secret (from Serenity Now!)
• The Question (from Somewhat Lower)
• The Girl Next to Me (from Infertile Fantasies)

Thinking about changing paths to parenthood

• On Quitting: Part Two (from Serenity Now!)

Pregnancy announcements and baby showers

• Surviving...Intact? (from Serenity Now!)
• I Was Never the Jealous Type (from Looking for 2 Lines)
• Green Monster (from Looking for 2 Lines)
• Envious (from Flutter of Hope)
• Pity Party For One (from The Waiting Womb)
• New Arrival (from Miss E's Musings)
• New Arrival, Part Two (from Miss E's Musings)
• You Down With OPP? (from For the Flavor)
• Other Peoples' Pregnancies (from Third Time Lucky)
• The Co-ed Baby Shower Extravaganza (from Stranded on Infertility Island)
• Sock It To Me (from Stranded on Infertility Island)
  

Thinking through choices

• 20 Questions (from Flutter of Hope)
• Gambling (from Miss E's Musings)
• Letting Go (from Miss E's Musings)
• Horoscopes (from Seed Dispersal Mechanisms)
• Panel Night (from Are We There Yet?)

A day in the life of an infertile woman

• Hello to Everyone I Missed (from When's It Gonna Be My Turn?)
• Anatomy of a Cycle (from The Waiting Womb)
• Strike That Last Post (from Miss E's Musings)
• A Day in the Life (from Princess Smartypants)
• Writing From Where I'm At (from Kir's Corner)
• Put Me in Coach (from Excuse Me...I'd Like a Refund on These Ovaries)
  

How infertility changes you

• Little By Little... (from Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies)
• My, Myself and I(nfertility) (from Princess Smartypants)
• Careful, That Infertility Stuff Can Kill Ya (from Kir's Corner)
• Test Me (from Curves With Attitude)
• Step Away From the Bee (from Me the Bumblebee)
• Will the Real Me Please Step Forward (from Stranded on Infertility Island)
  

Anger and infertility

• Frustration and Undirected Anger (from Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies)

Time and infertility

• Timing (from Third Time Lucky?)
• Woe-fullness (from Stranded on Infertility Island)
• 13 Degrees and Windy (from TTC with DH through IVF with AMA and a MF for a BFP)

Finances and infertility

• And That's That (from Our Own Creation)
• Introductory 0% Fixed APR. No Annual Fee (from TTC with DH through IVF with AMA and a MF for a BFP)

Lifestyle changes for infertility

• Food and Family (from The I Word)

The ups and downs of the two week wait

• Counting Down and Cracking Up (from Princess Smartypants)
• Two Weeks' Wait (from Infertile Fantasies)

Thoughtless comments and other assvice

• So When Are You Going to Have Kids (from The I Word)
  

Emoblopedia: Secondary Infertility

Welcome to the secondary infertility page of the emoblopedia. Some of the entries below are written by men and women who experienced primary infertility and are now going back to complete their family with more fertility treatments. Other entries are written by those who conceived their first child with relative ease but have since been diagnosed with infertility. We hope that you find reading these blog entries helpful and they bring you a modicum of emotional comfort. They may help you find words to express how you are feeling or show you the light at the end of the tunnel. If you have your own blog and would like to contribute to the emoblopedia, submit all links to entries to Melissa at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

How to come to terms with your new-found fertility-status

• Rant (from Max's Mommy)
• Secondary Infertility (from Max's Mommy)
  

What to tell existing children

• No entries yet

How to balance secondary infertility with parenting

• How Big Is Your Baggage (from My Many Blessings)

Friendships and secondary infertility

• And It Rears Its Ugly Head Again (from Healing Arts)

Emotions and secondary infertility

• Fever (from Max's Mommy)
• Chatter of the Fertiles (from Max's Mommy)

Emoblopedia: Third Party Reproduction

Welcome to the third party reproduction page of the emoblopedia. This section is written by men and women who have chosen donor egg/insemination or surrogacy as their path to parenthood. Some are also the product of third party reproduction themselves, but in the interest of space and the fact that the emoblopedia is housed on a blog about infertility and pregnancy loss, we have chosen to include only entries written from either those contemplating or actively utilizing this aspect of assisted conception as well as people who are parents after utilizing donor egg/insemination or surrogacy. We hope that you find reading these blog entries helpful and they bring you a modicum of emotional comfort. They may help you find words to express how you are feeling or show you the light at the end of the tunnel. If you have your own blog and would like to contribute to the emoblopedia, submit all links to entries to Melissa at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

Deciding to proceed with a donor or surrogate

• No entries yet

Emotions surrounding the donor or surrogate experience

• No entries yet
  

Emoblopedia: Adoption

Welcome to the adoption page of the emoblopedia. This section is written by men and women who have chosen adoption as their path to parenthood. Some are also adoptees themselves, but in the interest of space and the fact that the emoblopedia is housed on a blog about infertility and pregnancy loss, we have chosen to include only entries written from either those contemplating or actively adopting as well as adoptive parents. We hope that you find reading these blog entries helpful and they bring you a modicum of emotional comfort. They may help you find words to express how you are feeling or show you the light at the end of the tunnel. If you have your own blog and would like to contribute to the emoblopedia, submit all links to entries to Melissa at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

Deciding to proceed with a domestic adoption

• No entries yet

Deciding to proceed with foster-to-adopt

• Tears and Fears (from Are We There Yet?)
  

Deciding to proceed with international adoption

• No entries yet

Getting through the homestudy

• No entries yet

Matching with an expectant mother

• No entries yet

Birthmothers and children

• No entries yet

When adoption plans change (terminating a match)

• D Day (from They Grow in Your Heart)

The emotions of a broken match

• Feeling Good (from They Grow in Your Heart)

The first day feeling at peace again after a broken match

• I'm a Happy Girl (from They Grow in Your Heart)
  

Long periods of waiting

• Homesick (from They Grow in Your Heart)
• Becoming Real (from Journeywoman)
• Oh Well (from Hell and High Water)
• Adoption Reflections (from Stranded on Infertility Island)

The first time meeting your child

• No entries yet

Expecting

• Expecting (from Stranded on Infertility Island)
  

Emoblopedia: Pregnancy Loss, Stillbirth, and Neonatal Death

We want to start out by expressing our sympathies--you are possibly searching this section of the emoblopedia because you fear that you are miscarrying or you have already suffered a loss. We hope that you find reading these blog entries helpful and they bring you a modicum of emotional comfort. They may help you find words to express how you are feeling or show you the light at the end of the tunnel. If you have your own blog and would like to contribute to the emoblopedia, submit all links to entries to Melissa at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

Coming to a place of peace with loss

• Upcoming Terraversary Next Week (from My Many Blessings)
• Acceptance (from Healing Arts)

Learning that a pregnancy may not be viable

• Emotionally Shipwrecked (from Well, Now That We're Here...)
• Welcome Back to Limbo Land... (from A Cop, A Nurse, 3 Dogs, and Maybe Baby)
• Seven is Definitely Not My Lucky Number (from A Cop, A Nurse, 3 Dogs, and Maybe Baby)

Learning that you are having a miscarriage

• Candle in the Hurricane (from To Be Determined)
  

Remembering Terraversaries

• I Made It Through My EDD - And I'm Really Okay (from My Many Blessings)
• Happy Birthday (from Well, Now That We're Here...)
• My Terraversary (from The Uterine Grail)
  

The first day you felt good after a loss

• A New Version of the Old Me (from My Many Blessings)

Loss and the affect on family

• Daddy (from Healing Arts)

Coming out about loss(es)

• Publicly Acknowledging My Pregnancy Losses (from My Many Blessings)

When is enough enough?

• Beginnings and Endings (from Healing Arts)
  

Coming to terms with recurrent loss

• Am I Too Cynical... (from A Cop, A Nurse, 3 Dogs, and Maybe Baby)

Making the decision to proceed with multifetal pregnancy reduction

• No entries yet

Making the decision to proceed with a medical termination

• Untitled (from Max's Mommy)
  

Discovering that you have an ectopic pregnancy

• It Just Keeps Getting Better (from The Waiting Womb)

Discovering that you have a molar pregnancy

• No entries yet

The roller coaster of emotions

• Memories (from My Journey Towards My Little Miracle)
• Better Than Nothing (from Infertile Fantasies)
  

Past Months at the Virtual Lushary

Though my virtual bar is always open and I'm ready with a drink and a sympathetic ear, every month, we run a virtual drunkfest where you are welcome to come drink imaginary drinks at the open bar (which only accepts imaginary currency) and hiccup out the story of what is going on in your life. It's a way for people to get to know you and your blog as well as a way for you to find people with a similar story. Because what screams community more than an open bar?

If you just found the bar, you can click below to jump to any of the past drinkfests and read the stories of other bar patrons. Welcome--we hope you find the conversations comforting, the music rockin', and, of course, the drinks ever-flowing.

January 2007

February 2007

March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007 (coming soon)

Children of Men

Intrigued by this book tour and want to read more about Children of Men? Hop along to more stops on the Barren Bitches Book Tour by visiting the master list at Stirrup Queens (http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/). Want to come along for the next tour? Sign up begins today for tour #3 ( The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger) and all are welcome to join along. All you need is a book and blog.

1. In describing the world's "universal bereavement" over it's lack of children, the narrator tells us, "Only on tape and records to we now hear the voices of children, only on film or on television programmes do we see the bright, moving images of the young. Some find them unbearable to watch but most feed on them as they might a drug." How is this like your life dealing with infertility? How do you cope when you are confronted with images or reminders that are painful to you?

For me this was very much like dealing with life during IF. For starters the building I work in has a pre-school and at various times I would find myself irresistibly drawn there to "help out." At other times, just happening across the kids on their way to one activity or another would wreck me. No telling which it would be. I think the more interesting literary point throughout the book is what children represent -- even if their reality (the Omegas) may be quite different. In a weird coincidence I just read The Sweet Hereafter by Russell Banks about a town that experiences a horrific school bus accident and the consequences that follow. There is a line where a character muses about how a town can't live without its children -- but the line may be ironic, because, life for the town goes on nonetheless. Children are the vessels into which we pour so many hopes, some realistic and some of which are pipe dreams. But we can't live without hope can we? Even in-spite of our better judgment.

20. If the world that's described in the novel were to somehow become a reality, how would you live your life, knowing that there will be no future generations to carry humanity forward? What would you do differently, if at all?

I'd like to think I wouldn't do too much differently. It reminds me of those existentialist dramas like Camus' Caligula where the playwright tries to make the case that even when one realizes that life is meaningless it is necessary to resist cruel and unethical behavior. It is a difficult concept to wrap the brain around because how can behavior be ethical or unethical if being has no meaning? However, I'd probably do things that are a bit selfish and self-destructive -- smoke more, sleep less, drink like I was still in college and eat fried foods.

9. What are your thoughts on the scene with the lady pushing her pretend child or doll? What do you think about the response of the people who react to her?

I know a lot of people hate this scene and James' one-dimensional portrayal of childless women in-general. And I agree with much of the criticism. However, the one valid thing I believe was in these descriptions is my belief that for many people (not just women) the urge to nurture is irrepressible and will find an outlet in one way or another. What was more insightful to me was Theo's judgment of these women as a comment on his own empathic shortcomings.


4. Do you think this was based on James' own experiences with infertility? Also, what did you think of the fact that Julian was a religious person and became pregnant. Is religion her solution, as it were, to infertility? Which is probably two questions...

Not sure, but would be curious to find out. Writing the novel from the point of view of a male protagonist makes me think that if she did go through IF, that she's not put much of that experience in the novel. The second part sent me googling PD James and religion which revealed that she is a very religious person and says that it helps her deal with every aspect of her life. Does that mean she advocates membership in the Church of England (to which she belongs) as a cure for IF? I doubt it. Does it mean that she is a writer interested in faith and its real-world repercussions? Definitely.

3. One of the story's responses to mass infertility was that couples stopped having sex since there didn't seem to be any point in it. How has IF affected your sex life with your partner? Did you have different experiences at different times along the way?

The best summary of married sex life during IF comes from a wonderful writer named Marjorie Ingall (the Jewish Forward's East Village Mamele) who aptly coined the quest for her first child, "The Bataan Sex March." Nuf sed.