Friday, September 29, 2006
How Did We Get Here?
Ever have one of those moments where you're like...how on earth did THIS become my life? These problems, these joys, these people, this place? How did it happen? Today is one of those days for me, I guess.
I'm amazed and overwhelmed sometimes that THIS is our life.
The infertility, though I did always have it in the back of my mind growing up since Mom and Dad had trouble, is something I never expected to be like THIS. I mean, I though, sure, IUI's. Meds. MAYBE IVF as a last resort. I never thought we'd be here. I feel hurt and sad that I may never have biological kids, never feel baby kicking inside me. But at the same time, it's amazing to look at our journey and see what God has enabled us to do! All those treatments! All that worry, stress, anxiety that was handled as well as can be expected. The surgery. The miscarriage. But we were ABLE to do all that and we have come out relatively and blessedly unscathed....Strong marriage and strong faith, probably better than before. And an unwavering commitment to be a family of more than 2. And I really feel like I've connected to (and hopefully helped) a lot of great people through this. Infertility has been awful, the worst part of my life to be sure, but there's ways to overcome and I want that enough to make it happen. It's part of me, not who I am.
The adoption.....Pretty frequently I think "holy cow, WE are ADOPTING" out of the blue. I feel blessed to have this opportunity, but it's staggering in it's enormity! We'll be accepting someone else's child, and opening a relationship with that person. That, along with all the regular parenting stuff can be pretty amazingly heavy! But in a good way!
We have a big problem (previous posts if you don't know what I'm talking about) with my family right now. Sure. We have little problems here and there with lots of other things, as well. But overall? We have our health (not so much reproductively I guess). Our immediate families are wonderful and supportive. We have great friends whom we can always count on. A thriving business. A new home. Happy pets. Lots of vacations. We really are blessed. Thanks to God, because today it's easy for me to see that he's good to me and is working in my life, even if I can't see it always.
How did this become my life? How did I get so lucky?