Sunday, May 20, 2007

Lyrics for Uterninus's Law

Uterninus’s Law


It’s running out of Ativan the day of the HSG
It’s erections every morning except when there needs to be
The box of meds that comes after the first injection takes place
It’s having to put on another brave face

CHORUS: You’re screwed no matter what you do ooh ooh ooh
So drink your coffee
Enjoy a glass of wine or two
It’s a bumpy walk
For some to pink and blue
When Uterninus’s Law jumps out at you

You start trying early so you don’t miss ovulation
You’re told you just need to relax on a good vacation
Starting early always means that you drop an egg late
Twelve straight days of sex only builds hate

CHORUS: You’re screwed no matter what you do ooh ooh ooh
So drink your coffee
Enjoy a glass of wine or two
It’s a bumpy walk
For some to pink and blue
When Uterninus’s Law jumps out at you

You’re anovulatory when you need to test progesterone
You’re never warned before they slip the wand in
It’s the pregnancy that occurs before the adoption is old
It’s having to listen to a hundred “told you so’s.”

CHORUS: You’re screwed no matter what you do ooh ooh ooh
So drink your coffee
Enjoy a glass of wine or two
It’s a bumpy walk
For some to pink and blue
When Uterninus’s Law jumps out at you

You know that second betas always fall on Fridays
You miss the call and wait for results until Monday
And the definition of being a model patient
Means cancellation or hyperstimulation

CHORUS: You’re screwed no matter what you do ooh ooh ooh
So drink your coffee
Enjoy a glass of wine or two
It’s a bumpy walk
For some to pink and blue
When Uterninus’s Law jumps out at you

You’re screwed no matter what you do ooh ooh ooh
So drink your coffee
Enjoy a glass of wine or two
It’s a bumpy walk
For some to pink and blue
When Uterninus’s Law jumps out at you

© 2007 Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters

2 comments:

Drowned Girl said...

Made me smile (ruefully)

hope said...

thank you for the coffee permission. just another daily guilt/desire. a small one though, which...(all together) "I would quit forever if it meant having a baby"